Second Chances
by Bensler
Summary: When we make unwise choices and mess up, we can’t always count on getting a second chance to go back and do it right. How does this play out in the tumultuous relationship between Olivia and Elliot?
1. Chapter 1 Visitor from the Past

**Disclaimer…well, I watched the credits at the end of the latest SVU episode just to be certain but **_**still**_** did not see my name…so, I'm assuming that means I **_**still **_**don't own anyone in this story except…well, you'll know who it is. " ) Bensler**

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**Needed a break from Matters and this idea came to me on the way home from work a couple of days ago. I thought it would be a one shot, but I ended up with three chapters. Yea, I know it's unbelieveable that I could write a story that is only three chapters, but I did. Not sure how it will be received, but here is the first chapter. Let me know if you think it is okay. I'll post the other two chapters very soon. " ) Bensler**

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**Chapter 1 ~ Visitor from the Past**

**SVU Squad Room – Thursday, March 12 – 10:21 a.m.**

The moment the tall woman with long brunette hair walked through the double doors of the squad room, she knew who she was intuitively. _And _who she had been. She also understood that her life as she knew it was about to change. She wasn't blind nor was she stupid. She knew she would always come in second to the woman who held Elliot's whole heart. Even so, she knew he cared about her and they had a great time together. His kids had finally begun to accept her though they were not at all in favor of their relationship.

She and Elliot had even talked about getting married. Well, mostly she talked; he listened; but he never told her to back off, either. Just last night she had asked him if he wanted her to move to Queens or was he willing to move to Brooklyn? Now that she thought about it, he had not answered her. In fact, there were many questions he skirted around, never actually answering. And some that he simply ignored. Still, she held some hope.

The woman dressed in dark blue jeans, a yellow, cable-knit sweater with a scooped neck, brown boots and leather jacket, looked around the room, presumably for someone she knew. Not seeing anyone she headed straight for her desk.

"Hi. Is Captain Stabler here?" she smiled and what a bright smile it was. Straight, white teeth. Her warm, brown eyes smiled, too.

She was every bit as attractive as the few pictures she had seen.

Looking toward the Captain's office, she stood, "He was here just a moment ago. He should be right back. Perhaps, I can help you?"

The woman smiled again, "Thank you, but if you don't mind, I'll just wait for Elliot. Oh…uh…I mean Captain Stabler," she corrected herself.

As she turned to find a chair to sit in, Elliot rounded the corner from the file room with several folders in hand. When his eyes locked with hers, he abruptly came to a stop. He could not hide the color draining from his face, his eyes widening, or his mouth dropping open. They stared at each other, her smile tentative, but as brilliant as he remembered, and a guarded expression quickly replaced the shock on his face at seeing her standing there.

Finally breaking their gaze, he looked toward the other woman standing by her desk; fear clearly the emotion washing over her.

"Detective, if you will excuse us…" he was surprised to find he was able to form a coherent sentence and actually speak it.

"Of course," she sat back down at her desk and began typing on her keyboard.

"Uh…my office…" he nodded toward the office as he once again caught her eyes, giving her just a slight smile.

He had to remind himself to breathe. She was still just as beautiful as the last time he had seen her. How long had it been now? Three years. Almost to the day.

**Office of Captain Elliot Stabler – Thursday, March 12 – 10:27 a.m.**

That day was forever etched into his brain. He would never forget that day. Never forget how it felt as he watched the woman he loved, more than life itself walk, out the door. He didn't know it then, but she had walked out of his life that day, too. _Out_ of his life. And he let her. He let her because he was so scared that if he told her how he really felt she would run. Run. Like she had before when things had gotten crazy between them.

Only by that time he and Kathy were divorced; there was no boyfriend hanging in the shadows; they were both free. Free to be together. They spent nearly every spare moment together. The kids loved her, especially Eli. After the weeks of being together turned to months and the months became nearly a year, she was the one who upped the ante and laid her cards on the table. The one who took the chance and went for broke. She told him how she felt. She told him she was tired of being alone. Tired of waiting. She wanted more out of their relationship. She told him she loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And he had stood there still unable to tell her how he felt. How could he ever make her understand this irrational fear he had of having her as his, only to lose her when she tired of him or found he was not what she really wanted? Paralyzed by the thought of her leaving him. By the thought of losing her. He had just stood there and looked at her. And in his silence, he had lost her anyway.

When she left, he simply could not believe it. For months he was in denial. He convinced himself she would come back. She _always_ came back. Even when Cragen gave him a new _permanent_ partner, he was in denial. Then the one year anniversary of her leaving forced him to realize she was _not_ coming back. Devastation replaced denial. He lost so much weight Cragen put him on sick leave against his will and refused to let him return until he had permission from his family doctor and a clear psych eval from Huang. Elliot wished he could have a do over. Wished he could rewind time and do it all over so he could tell her how much he loved her. Tell her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. What he wouldn't do for a second chance.

After that night, she had taken some time off and he thought it was just to get over his inability to say what she needed, to do what she wanted. Time to cool off. But a week later, a week of not talking to her or seeing her, she had packed her apartment, put in her resignation papers, and was gone. Gone without a forwarding address or a note or a phone call or even a 'the heck with you'.

And just like when she had gone undercover with the FBI all those years ago, her phones had been disconnected, and every time he called her, day in and day out, hoping she would finally answer, he kept getting those asinine recordings: 'The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. Please hang up and try your call again.' And the cell phone message: 'The cellular customer you have attempted to reach is no longer available.' No longer available. He laughed to himself at that. She made _sure _she was no longer available, at least to him.

Literally, he thought he would die. In some ways, he did.

And now…now here she was. Three years later. Sitting in front of him. His eyes briefly scanned her left hand and breathed a sigh of relief.

This had to be a dream, she told herself. She could not believe she was sitting in Elliot's office in the one-six in New York City. When she left three years ago, she told herself she would never come back. Never see him again. Never talk to him again. It was too painful. Too heart-wrenching. She had decided she didn't want to hurt anymore.

Well, that was a joke. She had _never_ stopped hurting. Three years of distance; three years of not seeing or talking to him; three years of trying to convince herself she did not care anymore; three years of trying to forget. It clearly was not an option – forgetting. Elliot Stabler was a part of her. He was her blood; his touch was stamped upon her skin; his breath filled her lungs; his scent permeated the air around her; his laughter rang in her ears; the intensity of his blue eyes burned into the depths of her soul; his heart was enmeshed with hers; his whispered words engraved in her memory; and his grin still lit her darkest day.

Don't misunderstand…she had tried. She had tried desperately to forget him, to make a new life apart from him. She thought if she left New York, left the things familiar to her, she would be able to finally find a way to live without him. Atlanta was different. The southern culture was foreign to her, the weather much too hot, but the people were very friendly and she had finally begun to fit in.

She had made friends, settled into her new job with the Atlanta PD as a detective in their Special Victims Squad. At least that aspect of her life provided a bit of continuity. But more times than not when she was out on the streets, she thought of Elliot. Longed for the days when he was beside her. There was always a case that paralleled one that they had worked and it would always drag her back to the past.

Then two nights ago Grant had asked her to marry him. She liked him a lot. She would even venture to say she cared about him, and they did have a good time together. He was a great guy and he was in law enforcement so her job would not be an issue. He had twenty-three years with the APD, first in Narcotics and now in Vice. He was divorced and had a son and daughter in college. There was only one thing wrong with him in her mind. It was the same thing that had been wrong with all the men she tried to be with. He was not Elliot. At that moment, that moment when she could not answer Grant, she admitted to herself that she was still in love with Elliot. She still loved a man she had not seen or talked to in three years. Elliot. She would _always_ love him. Suddenly, she was gripped with a need to see him that was so strong she could not resist it.

She told Grant she could not marry him. She left him sitting at the restaurant and caught a cab home. Within two hours she had called her captain, requested some time off and booked a flight to New York City the next day. And now she was here. Back in the city; back in the precinct; back in the SVU squad room sitting in front of Elliot. In Elliot's office.

Maybe she could fool others, but she could not fool herself. She still loved him just as much, maybe even more, as the day she left him. She would always love this man sitting here barely two feet from her. She had come back because she was not sure she could live the rest of her life without trying one more time; without making sure the decision he made three years ago was what he really wanted; without giving him another chance. Without asking him to give her another chance. A second chance.

Elliot was a devout Catholic. His faith was an important part of who he was and Olivia knew he prayed to God for guidance, comfort, help. Not being a religious woman, she was not sure what she thought about that particular ritual but was so desperate for things to work out with her and Elliot, she found herself praying to God to show favor on her just this one time.

Sitting on the corner of his desk, Elliot's right leg was swinging nervously, his left stretched straight to the floor. He could not quit staring at her as she took a seat in the chair directly in front of him. Of course, she was doing her share of staring, too. He had on a herring bone brown tweed jacket with a blue shirt, the color of his eyes. The brown and blue tie was paisley print. He looked good, she thought. The colors were identical to the suit he was wearing when she first met him.

Finally breaking the silence, she spoke softly, "It's good to see you again, El." She smiled up at him, her nervousness evidenced by the twisting of her watch over and over around her wrist.

He wanted to be angry, he _was_ angry, but he would not let her know that, not yet.

Instead he smiled at her, "You look great, Liv."

She did. That yellow sweater against her tanned skin made her glow. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms, apologize for his inaction three years ago and beg her to let him have another chance.

"Thanks. You look pretty good yourself," she wanted to just jump in his arms and beg him to let her back in his life. Beg him to let her be with him on whatever terms he so desired. She was more than willing to do it his way. She just did not want to live without him anymore. Three years was all she could take and she didn't take it well at all.

"Your new life must agree with you," he was chewing on his bottom lip and she smiled at the nervous habit.

"It's okay," she said cautiously. "I've settled in, made some friends, learned the city."

She had not given much thought to what exactly she would say to him when she had made the decision to come back, and she failed to realize how difficult it would be for both of them. She could not handle the piercing gaze of his intensely blue eyes - they were beautiful – so she looked away.

"And what city is that?" Elliot asked, his anger beginning to rise at the renewed awareness that he had no idea where she now lived.

Her eyes snapped back to him, and her breath hitched, "Atlanta."

He paused, trying to picture her in the southern city. Trying to let himself get used to the idea that she had lived in Atlanta for three years and he never knew.

"Never figured you for a southern belle, Liv. So how is it?" he snorted.

His anger once again under control, he wanted to know everything that had happened to her the last three years.

"No…I'll always be a New York City girl…Atlanta's okay, but I miss the snow. It stays hot there almost year round and I'll never like grits," she laughed a little bit.

Without warning the atmosphere thickened, his anger was back, "So why'd you leave?"

Looking at him, his face filled with rage…and hurt, she opened her mouth, but her voice would not cooperate and no words fell from her lips.

"I asked you a question, Olivia. Why did you leave?" his eyes narrowed and his jaw was rigid, the muscle in it flexing, as he lowered his voice to a growl.

She tried again to speak, blinking rapidly, her mouth working but still no words would come.

He stood now, not even pretending to reign in his anger, his voice escalating into a yell. "Come on, Benson! It's a simple question! Why-did-you-leave? Huh?"

Hot tears pounded at her eyelids, but she was not about to cry. Not in front of Elliot.

"I…I didn't come back to fight with you, Elliot," she could barely whisper over the lump that settled in her throat.

He laughed, scraped his hands over his face, expelled a loud breath, and turned his head up toward the ceiling and laughed again.

She felt her blood run cold as she remembered the violent verbal warfare they were so adept at using against at each other. Now she wished she were anywhere but here, anywhere but this room with Elliot Stabler's mocking laughter rumbling in her ears.

"So, why _did_ you come back?" he asked with such contempt, she wanted to catch the first flight back to Atlanta. Coming here was one big, bad idea.

Determination did little to hold her tears at bay, and they slid down her cheeks now. Wiping frantically at them, she raised her head to look him in the eyes, "Because…I…I thought…I hoped…I just couldn't…I hoped you would…you would…"

"What, Oliva? What could you possibly want from me after three years? Three years, Olivia! I _never_ heard from you! I couldn't call _you_! You didn't leave a number! I never knew where you went! If you were okay! I never knew, Olivia! It's like you disappeared from the face of the earth! You made it more than clear that you didn't want me to be able to find you. So, _please _tell me! What could you possibly want from me after all this time?" he bellowed, unmoved by her tears, his face red, the vein in his neck pulsating with rage, his hands fisting at his sides.

Sniffling, she stood up and went to the door, her hand on the knob, "A…s-second chance."

Looking over her shoulder she met his eyes one more time. "That's all I wanted."

And then just like that she was gone. Again. And he was speechless and just as paralyzed as he had been three years ago.

**~~~eoeoeoeoeo~~~**


	2. Chapter 2 Vexations of the Present

**A/N: Are you proud of me? I posted the second chapter pretty quick. I hope you like it...I believe you will. Thanks to all of my faithful readers and reviewers. I love you guys! " ) Bensler**

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**Second Chances**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 2 ~ Vexations of the Present**

**SVU Squad Room – Thursday, March 12 – 10:46 a.m.**

She tried not to but when she heard Elliot's raised voice, she had to look. She could not make out all the words, but she did not have to hear them to know he was extremely upset. Whatever this woman from his past had said to him, he was deeply distressed.

When the woman came flying out of his office obviously distraught, she fully expected him to follow right behind. Instead, he remained standing in the same position, staring at the now empty path the woman had just taken.

She dreaded talking to him. They were supposed to cook a spaghetti dinner tonight for his kids. Somehow she knew dinner was off. Somehow she knew _everything_ was off and she began to mentally prepare herself.

**16****th**** Precinct Rooftop – Thursday, March 12 – 10:49 a.m.**

Olivia could not believe she had done this. Perhaps it was the fact that she was back in the squad room where she had spent more time than her apartment; back to where she and Elliot had engaged in so many arguments. It was only natural that she would run to the same familiar place she or Elliot would go to after a bad case, a personal crisis, or one of their legendary scraps. Sooner or later, the other would always manage to find their way up to encourage, give advice, or make up.

Only today it would serve as a trap. That is, _if_ he came after her. If? He would. They always came after the other. But that was when she knew him; when he cared. Actually, she had no idea what he would do. At this point, she had no idea what she wanted him to do. She should have left the precinct, but instead she found herself staring out over the city. The city she loved.

The sky was clear with the big, puffy, white clouds in which you could see people and animals and cartoon characters in their changing shapes. The wind had a bit of a chill in it, and as she shivered she realized she had left her jacket in Elliot's office. She had ended up on the roof. To leave, she would have to go back through the precinct and risk running into him. And now, if she wanted her leather jacket back she would have to go to his office. Forget it. She could afford another one.

How did she ever think was a good idea? A last ditch attempt to make the love of her life want her. She laughed into wind and it caught the sound and threw it in her face as though slapping her for being so stupid. She should have left well enough alone. Fleetingly, she wondered if Grant would take her back. Being with him was preferable to being alone. She wrapped her arms around her body, thankful that she at least had on a sweater.

**SVU Squad Room – Thursday, March 12 – 10:50 a.m.**

Watching as Elliot finally started out of the office, she saw him stop unexpectedly and turn back to pick up something. When he came toward her, she realized what he had in his hand. Yes. He was going to follow her. From the first, she had no doubt that he would.

As he neared her desk, he stopped, his eyes searching hers. He looked so conflicted, confused. He was silent for the longest, and then he reached out and brushed her face with the fingers of his right hand.

"I have to go to her," he whispered, his voice reflecting the turmoil he was in over the whole situation.

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she placed her hand over his, "I know."

And she watched him make his way across the room to follow the woman who had just turned her life upside down.

**16****th**** Precinct Rooftop – Thursday, March 12 – 10:55 a.m.**

The scraping of the door on the asphalt shingles, loudly announced his arrival. Heart racing, breathing rapid, stomach rolling, she steeled herself for the onslaught of his anger. Refusing to acknowledge his presence she remained staring out at the skyline, the traffic, the people.

Standing just outside of the door, he looked her over. She had lost a few pounds, not many, but enough that he noticed. Her hair was longer, several inches past her shoulders and the highlights in it were the color of honey. Her sweater came down to the tops of the pockets of the dark jeans that molded against her long slender legs. The brown boots had three or four inch heels. It was then that he realized he had not stood face to face with her. She would have been nearly as tall as he with the boots. That seemed to be the only way they ever saw eye to eye. He felt a smirk twitching at the corner of his mouth.

Though she could not see him, she sensed him. She knew he was watching her, sizing her up, trying to decide how to handle her. She wished he would just say what he came to say and let her go. She would spend the rest of her trip catching up with the gang, doing some shopping and eating at all her favorite restaurants. She might even look up Dean Porter and get him to meet her for dinner one night. Who was she kidding? She just wanted to go back to Atlanta, her tail between her legs, and lick her wounds along with her shattered ego.

Even with her back to him, he could tell she was cold from the way she had wrapped her arms around her waist. Without the wind it would be comfortable, but right now he was thankful he had on his suit jacket. She needed hers. Hesitantly, he took a few steps toward her. She did not move, so he continued to close the distant between them.

Though she would not have thought it possible, her heart pounded even harder as he came up behind her. She was certain he could hear it banging against her chest. And then, then she felt him place her jacket around her, leaving his hands on her shoulders for longer than he should or was necessary. The jolt that ran through her at even this muted touch all but caused her knees to collapse beneath her.

She had said all she was going to say and now waited apprehensively for him to say something. Anything. The silence was deafening and tense and she wanted to throw up. She wished he would remove his hands. No. No, she didn't.

He knew he was going to have to be the one to start this conversation, but he just had no idea where to begin. What he did know was that he did not want to quit touching her. What he wanted was to pull her to him and let the warmth of his body replace the chill in hers. Instead, he found his hands doing the other thing he had wanted to do. Seemingly of their own accord his fingers sifted through the rich brown and honey strands. He was mesmerized by how silky and smooth her hair was between his fingers.

Slowly, his hand found its way to the base of her long neck and he gently kneaded it between his thumb and fingers. Amazingly, she offered no resistance. In fact, he was almost positive she leaned into it.

"I never told you how much I liked your hair when it was long," he whispered into her right ear.

She could not take this. His touch; his breath hot in her ear; his words melting her resolve to jump the next plane to Atlanta. Whirling to face him, she backed away, her hair flying in the wind and covering her face. She pulled it to one side.

"What are you doing, Elliot?" her voice was sharper than intended and she caught the glimpse of hurt in his eyes before he shielded them.

Now hard as ice, his blue eyes drilled into hers. He shook his head and snorted, "I haven't the _faintest_ idea what I'm doing, Olivia. I mean…you come traipsing back in here after three years and act like it was just a weekend off and I'm supposed to want to pick up where we left off! And the really crazy thing? I don't even know why you left in the first place!"

"What?!" she shot back. "What do you mean you don't know _why_ I left?"

"That shouldn't be news to you, Benson! _You_ left _me_! Again! Just like you always do - _without_ telling me. I think you're taking a few days off and the next thing I know I'm getting that freaking message when I call that your phone has been disconnected!" he was basically screaming at her now.

"I don't believe this!" she screamed back at him. Her blood pressure had to be as high as this building – she was getting a major headache.

His eyes full of fire, he hollered, "What don't you believe, Olivia? You don't believe that I nearly went _insane_ when I realized you were gone? _Again_! You don't believe that I didn't get a good night's sleep for _months_ after you left? Heck, I don't even sleep well now! You don't believe that I lost so much weight Cragen made me see my doctor, get shrinked by Huang and put me on mandatory sick leave for almost two months? Two months, Olivia! Two months of trying to get you out of my head, out of my heart enough that I could at least function at the minimal level needed to do my job! I'd already lost _you_! If I lost the job, too, that would have been it! I'd have never made it!"

Dumbfounded by his confessions, she stared at him in complete astonishment and utter confusion. If he felt this way, apparently the same way she did, why, _why_ didn't he tell her the night she poured her heart out to him. The night she bared her soul only to have him reciprocate by stomping on it with his silence.

Taking a deep breath, he spoke again, this time quieter, "You don't believe that I would walk the city for hours on end praying that would I see you! Praying that somehow…" his voice cracked and his eyes shimmered with tears. "…that _somehow_ I would find you," the tears now began their journey down his cheeks. He sniffled and wiped at his face.

"Why? Oh, El, why didn't you tell me?" she asked, the bewilderment shading her voice which was now merely a whisper.

Still sniffling, he wiped at his nose with the back of his hand, and looked at her, "What?"

"Elliot, why didn't you tell me how you felt after I said everything I did that night?" she put her hand on his arm and pulled him to her.

"Because…"

"Because?"

"Because I…I was afraid…afraid that if we were more than friends, if we changed our relationship you would get tired of me or find out I wasn't what you wanted or who you thought I was…and you would leave me. I…I couldn't even take _thinking_ of you leaving me. I knew I wouldn't survive you actually doing it. Not again. I…I couldn't take it again," he tilted his head back, let out a deep sigh and then brought his eyes back to hers. "And then I lost you anyway."

"Elliot…what was I supposed to think when you just sat there and stared at me after I told you that I wanted more, that I wanted to be with you, that I loved you, was _in_ love with you? I thought I had imagined everything that was between us. I thought that I had misread you all those years. I felt like I had made a total fool of myself and there was no way I could go back to working around you, let alone _with_ you. I knew I would never be able to get over you if I had to see you all the time. I _had_ to leave," she was now fighting her own tears.

"Did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Get over me?"

Shaking her head, she laughed as the tears flowed from her eyes. "I'll _never_ be over you, El. _Never_."

He nodded his head and looked out across the city, "That night…after you left, I couldn't sleep. I knew I had to risk telling you how I felt. I had to let you know I was willing to take a chance on us because I loved you so much. I called you but you had turned your cell off. I called the apartment and the message said there was trouble on the line. I knew you were upset so I thought I would give you some time. But then you didn't come to work…Cragen said you were taking some time off. I thought you would be back…" he trailed off.

Her heart stopped as the gravity of what he had just said seeped into her mind. She had been so torn up over his silence, taking it to mean he did not feel the same way so she had turned her cell off and unplugged her home phone. If she hadn't…they would have been together these last three years instead of each fighting a losing battle to forget each other.

"All these years…" shaking her head, she took a deep breath. "…wasted."

"Life can really kick you around sometimes, huh?"

She grabbed his hands, "Yea, but now we can kick back, El. We can start anew…I mean…that is, if you still care about me…if you…still…" she searched his eyes and found something unexpected. Something she did not want to see – he was hesitant, unsure, guilt ridden. Then she knew. There was someone else. Another woman.

Trying to recover from yet another humiliating circumstance, she pulled away from him, "I'm sorry…that was presumptuous…" she looked at her watch. "I…uh…need to head out. It was really good to see you again, El. Take care, okay."

She had to get out of there. She was suffocating from her stupidity, his presence, the sudden lack of air.

If he continued living, she would be the death of him. She always read him like a book and he knew she had sensed his hesitancy, seen the reticence, the guilt in his eyes.

"Liv…" he croaked, grabbing her arm as she tried to brush past him. He thought someone had reached in to rip his heart out of his body. It hurt so much.

"It's okay, El," she couldn't look at him

"Liv…I…don't…I…"

"What's her name?" she didn't know why that even mattered.

Biting his cheek, he sighed heavily, "Elise. Elise Matheson."

"Matheson?" she felt sick to her stomach when her mind flashed back to the blond woman at the desk. The woman she had asked about Elliot. The nameplate on her desk said 'Detective Matheson'. She was blond – Elliot's type. She was going to throw up right here. Right now.

Forcing back the bile in her throat she continued on her self-destructive mission.

"Do you…do you love her?" grinding her teeth together so hard she feared cracking a tooth, she forced herself to look him in the eyes. She had to know.

His gaze never wavering, he shook his head ever so slightly, "No…but I do care about her and her feelings."

She was relieved to see in his eyes that he did _not_ love this woman. She knew he was telling her the truth because she felt the same way about Grant.

"Well, I couldn't very well expect you to sit around for three years waiting and pining for someone who may never come back," she somehow managed to smile at him though she was certain her face was going to crack and come crashing down to the rooftop. "I didn't."

This time she broke his hold and had just pulled on the rooftop door when Elliot's hand slammed it shut. The clanging reverberated in her head as he jerked her around to face him.

"What does that mean?" he barked, his eyes narrowed, his face like stone.

"Elliot…" she tried to pull away from him, but he held her tight.

"No! What does that mean, Olivia?" he was losing it. He had not seen a ring on her finger and assumed she was single. Single meaning she did not have a boyfriend.

"I…I have a boyfriend…or rather I _had _a boyfriend until the night before last," she corrected herself.

Suddenly Elliot released her and backed away from her. "So, that's _why_ you're here. You got dumped and thought you could come running back to good old El, huh? You thought I'd take you back. I should have known."

"That's not what happened at all, Elliot," she was furious but resolute in hashing this out so they could both put all this behind them and finally be free to live their own lives.

"That right? Then tell me how it went down, Olivia," he scoffed.

"We've been seeing each other off and on for a year. It became exclusive about four months ago," she began.

"Exclusive…" Elliot muttered under his breath, inhaling sharply through his nose.

Olivia bit her lower lip and ran her hands through her hair. She took a deep breath and continued, "I knew Grant was more serious about the relationship than I was, but I…I didn't expect him to…to…" she shook her head.

"Grant?"

"Grant Jacobs. He's a detective in Vice," she didn't know why she offered that bit of information.

The muscle in his jaw was twitching again and she knew he was trying to restrain the rage she saw burning in his eyes.

"Come on, Liv. Tell me. What did he do?" Elliot demanded.

Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth one more time, she looked away, "Two nights ago he asked me to marry him."

Elliot felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. He drew several deep breaths to calm himself but it did not help much at all.

She stood still, staring off into space. "I told him…I told him I couldn't marry him." She now turned to face Elliot, "I couldn't marry him, El, because I'm still in love with you. And I had to see you again, to see if you would let me back into your life. Give me a second chance. But I'm too late. I'm sorry, El."

She pulled the door open and this time he did not stop her.

"Liv…"

The smile she gave him did not reach her eyes. Sadness saturated her features, and she seemed smaller, almost fragile, as she turned and headed down the stairs back to the squad room.

No words came to his mind. She was still in love with him, she wanted back in his life, she had come to New York to ask him for a second chance. The second chance he had dreamed of and wished and prayed for was within his reach…and now she was walking away from him again.

**~~~eoeoeoeoeo~~~**


	3. Chapter 3 Visions of the Future

**PLEASE READ!!!!! _ ALERT!!! IMPORTANT!!! I just heard that NBC is thinking of replacing Chris and Mariska. To read about CM/MH, just do an internet search for TVguide or Ausiello + SVU._**

_**We need to contact NBC and let them know our thoughts on this. Just go to NBC's website and click on 'contact us' at the very bottom, scroll down and select the show and then type your response. **_

_**The links will not show up on here or I would just paste them.** _

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**Author's Note:**

**This is it! The end! Time to work on Matters again! Thanks to all who have read and read and reviewed. I am blown away by your emotions, observations, perceptions and responses! Thanks for being such loyal readers! " ) Bensler**

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**Second Chances**

**By Bensler**

**Chapter 3 ~ Visions of the Future**

**Carmines Italian Restaurant – Saturday, March 14 – 8:15 p.m.**

"You know, you haven't been half as annoying tonight as you used to be," Dean Porter leaned across the table and put his hand over Olivia's.

She laughed as she pulled her hand from beneath his, "That supposed to be a compliment, Porter?"

Raising an eyebrow, he shrugged and leaned back in his chair, "Maybe."

He was handsome, Olivia thought. The dark hair was cut a bit shorter and had gray edging the temples giving him a distinguished look. His eyes were just as dark brown and sparkly as she remembered. His smile was warm and easy. He had been interested in her since they met in Oregon when she was undercover with the FBI years ago. He had been her case handler.

They clashed, but she finally gave in and went out with him a few times. He was a wonderful man and she wished she could fall for him, but there was always something in the way. Or rather _some_one. Instead he had become a good friend although he reminded her from time to time that if she ever wanted to change those dynamics he was all for it.

"Or maybe absence made the heart grow fonder?" she teased, taking the last sip of her wine.

His eyes searched hers for a long moment. "Did it?" he asked quietly and leaned toward her, a serious look replacing the previous smirk.

She was not following him, "What?"

"Did it make his heart grow fonder, Liv?" he knew her too well and he sensed the undercurrents of grief even though she had done a great job at hiding it.

The intake of air was sharp and loud as she lifted her chin, steeling herself not to cry. She looked away for several minutes unable to face the concern in Dean's eyes. Finally, she brought her gaze back to his.

Shaking her head, she whispered, "He's involved with someone."

Dean had known about the breakup because he had come by her apartment one night after being unable to reach her by phone and found her in the middle of stacks of boxes half packed. She ended up crying on his shoulder and he made her promise to at least let him know when she got settled. She had talked to him a handful of times over the last three years and they emailed a time or two a month. Elliot would have a major meltdown if he knew this, she thought.

The nod he gave was barely perceptible as Dean continued to look at her, his eyes softening. "I'm so sorry, Liv."

At his words, her face crumpled and tears rolled down her face. She quickly wiped them away, sniffled and hastily gained control of her shredded emotions. "Yea, me too."

"Olivia?" a questioning male voice called out from a few feet away.

Turning her head, she looked straight into the eyes of Dickie, Elliot's oldest son. She was shocked at how much he looked like his Dad, now.

"Dickie!" she stood and he swept her into a big hug.

"Rick…I go by Rick, now," he grinned.

"Okay…Rick you are so grown and so handsome!" she kissed his cheek and held him by the shoulders to look him over. "And you're so tall!"

"Thanks. You look great yourself," he smiled and then looked over at Dean who had stood when Olivia did.

Noticing this Olivia introduced them. "This is Dean Porter, Dean…this is Di…uh…Rick Stabler, Elliot's oldest son."

The two men shook hands and Olivia glanced at the beautiful young woman with long brown hair and brown eyes standing off to the side.

Rick turned and pulled her next to him. "Liv, this Brinn Stewart, my fiancé," he grinned, his face glowed with his love for her.

"Fiance? Oh, Rick, you really have grown up!" She hugged him again and turned to Brinn, "You have got yourself one very special man. You take good care of him, okay."

"Yes, Ma'am, I will," Brinn smiled and Olivia gave her a hug, too.

The four talked for a few more minutes and then walked out together. Dean was busy hailing them each a cab and Brinn was talking to someone else she knew.

Dickie used the moment to pull Olivia aside, "Why'd you leave us, Liv?"

She was thrown off guard by his question. He must have wanted to ask it for the last three years. She hated what her leaving did to the kids, but there was no way to stay in touch with them without Elliot knowing.

"I…felt I had no choice, Rick. Your dad didn't…he…we didn't want the same things…it hurt too much to stay. But, I never quit loving you guys or missing you," she wiped away tears that steadily streamed down her face.

Somehow Rick seemed to sense her agony, to understand, and he reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"You seen Dad?"

Even though she knew this was coming, she still was not prepared. Putting on her plastic smile, she nodded her answer.

"Well?"

"Well, what?"

"_Olivia_…" he dragged out her name. "Come on. How'd it go?"

"It was good to see him again," she tried to smile again.

He looked at her as though he were waiting for more. When she offered nothing, he frowned. "That _all_?"

"Dickie…you _know_ he is with Elise," she was getting upset with this line of talk. She looked for Dean and saw he and Brinn were now talking.

"Liv, she's not right for him…"

"Dickie…I mean, Rick…" she pleaded.

"No! He's never gotten over _you_. He's _never _been who was with you, Liv," he spoke in firm, hushed tones.

"Well, apparently you're wrong about that because he let me go, okay. Twice. So, listen, it's been really great seeing you and meeting Brinn, but Dean and I need to head on. Give my love to the others, will you?" she hugged him quickly and started toward Dean.

Once they were settled in the cab, Dean leaned into her, "You okay?"

She shook her head quickly from side to side.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked tenderly.

She could only shake her head again as the tears began to fall. Dean put his arm around her and pulled her to him.

**Stabler Residence – Sunday, March 15 – 12:45 p.m.**

Since Elliot, Rick and Eli had prepared the meal, the girls were in the kitchen, giggling and talking loud as they cleaned up from their Sunday lunch, washing dishes, covering food and wiping the counters. It had become a family ritual. Lunch at Elliot's after morning mass. He loved having all his kids with him at one time. Of course, sometimes that now that included a boyfriend or two, if Lizzie, Kathleen or Maureen had one at the time, and Rick's girlfriend Brinn. Fiance, Elliot reminded himself. Today, however, it was just the Stablers.

Rick was sitting on the end of the couch nearest to the recliner Elliot relaxed in as they watched Eli playing a video war game. Elliot looked at his two sons, the pride nearly making his heart pop. Rick seemed preoccupied today and he was a little worried about him.

He pulled the recliner up and leaned toward Rick, popping him playfully on the knee. "Hey, son…you okay?"

"What?" Rick was startled out of his trance.

"You've been quiet and…I don't know…not yourself. Everything okay with you and Brinn? " for some reason the concern in his eyes angered Rick.

"Brinn and I are just fine," he snapped, a scowl on his face.

Elliot frowned. He felt the anger rise in him at Rick's terse response that, in his opinion, bordered on disrespect. He reeled it in, not wanting to get into a fight.

Nodding slowly, he reclined in the chair again, "Okay."

They continued to watch Eli; the silence that settled between them now extremely tense and heavy. The giggling in the kitchen was loud and Elliot found himself smiling in spite of the little exchange with Rick.

"I saw Olivia," Rick blurted.

Elliot's head snapped toward him, his eyes narrowed, "What?"

"I saw Olivia last night at Carmines." Watching Elliot closely he waited for his next response. There was none. So, he tried another tactic. "She was with Dean Porter."

Rick remembered they had run into Porter at a pizza place one night when the whole family was together. Porter had pulled Liv aside to talk and his dad was furious. He had sulked the rest of the night and later when the kids were supposedly asleep, he heard their heated argument, his dad accusing Olivia of being interested in Dean, and the door slamming shut as Liv stormed out of the apartment.

Instantly, Elliot's blood was boiling. He rubbed his chin with his hand and sighed deeply, "That right?"

He couldn't get the image of her with Dean out of his head. And he was imagining far more than chicken scarpariello and shrimp scampi. He purposefully took slow, deep breaths, trying desperately not to let Rick know how much this affected him.

"She said she saw you…"

He glanced over at his son, "Yea…came by the precinct Thursday morning."

"Thursday? You haven't seen her since then?"

"Look, this is none of your business, okay."

Rick looked at his dad for a long time, a look that was filled with both sadness and disgust. He stood up and faced Elliot, "She _said _you let her go." He shook his head, "I didn't believe her."

With that, he turned and hurried out of the apartment.

Elliot felt like he had been thrown into the middle of morning rush traffic on the Tribourough Bridge and run over by every vehicle. He closed his eyes as the tears began to burn as they sought release.

**Matheson Residence – Sunday, March 15 – 7:55 p.m.**

Elliot had not seen nor heard from Olivia since Thursday morning. He didn't know why he thought he would, but he did. He had done nothing but think about her and what she had said. 'I want a second chance,' 'I'm still in love with you,' 'I'll never get over you, El.' And after the conversation with Rick earlier, he added 'She was with Dean Porter, ' and 'She told me you let her go,' to the mix of voices clamoring in his head. He was going to go stir crazy if he kept dwelling on these things.

Elise had been unusually quiet the whole weekend. Of course, he had been too. He really was not in the mood to be around anyone. He knew what he should do, but he was paralyzed by the same irrational fear that had stopped him before. What if they got together and it didn't work out? He simply did not believe he would survive losing Olivia.

Besides, Elise was comfortable whereas Olivia made him crazy. Elise giggled quietly. Olivia chortled, guffawed, and sniggered but she never, ever giggled. Elise was easy-going and predictable. Olivia was full of life, passion and you never knew what she might do next. Elise was agreeable, complacent. Olivia would go toe to toe with him in a heartbeat. And win more often than not. He cared about Elise. He was head over heels in love with Olivia. He was. Rick knew it. _All_ his kids knew it. He realized what he had to do.

They were sitting side by side on the couch watching a movie. Well, Elise may have been watching it, but Elliot was thinking about Olivia and all he should say and do. He picked up the remote and put the DVD on pause.

"Elise? I need to talk to you," he told her as he turned toward her.

She tilted her head toward him and smiled, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears that appeared out of nowhere. She picked up his hand and held it, caressing it.

"I wondered how long it would take you," she said as she stared at their hands.

"What do you mean?" he was puzzled by her statement.

"Elliot, I care about you very much. In fact, I love you. But I know…I've known for a long time that someone else has your heart and that I would always be your second choice," she whispered around the lump that constricted her throat.

"Elise…I'm…" he didn't want to hurt her.

She put her finger to his lips, "Shhh…let me finish this…please. I know you care about me, but you don't love me, Elliot. You've never been able to tell me you do because you are an honorable man. You can't lie…especially about matters of the heart. And I appreciate that. I do. But, Elliot, I don't want to be anyone's second choice. I deserve better than that."

"Elise…you're a wonderful…"

"Don't. Okay. Just don't. You deserve to be with the woman you love, the woman who still holds your heart in her hands. Who will always hold your heart. For whatever reason, it took her a long time, but she came back to you. Elliot, she wasn't the only one at fault. Give her a second chance. Let yourself _take_ a second chance. The kind of love you and Olivia have for each other is rare. Don't throw it away again, El," she opened his hand, kissed his palm and then closed his hand into a fist. "I'll be here for you, always."

"I…I d-don't know what to say, Elise. I…I just…thank you," he hugged her.

She broke their embrace and stood. Checking the clock on the wall, she nodded at it, "If you hurry, you can catch her before her flight leaves. She's on Delta 1727 leaving JFK at 9:40 p.m."

He was incredulous, "How did you find out her flight?"

"I'm a detective _and_ I have a badge…remember?" she smiled at him. "Go, Elliot! Go get Olivia."

He hugged her again, grabbed his keys and ran out of her apartment.

**JFK International Airport – Queens – March 15 – 9:21 p.m.**

Traffic was terrible and he just knew he would not make to the airport on time. He ran from the parking lot to the terminal and even flashed his badge to get to the boarding area and then ran to her gate. It was 9:21 and he knew they would already be boarding. Silently sending prayers to Heaven that he was not too late, he scanned the waiting area under the sign that said 'NYC to Atlanta – Delta 1727'. There were still just a few people waiting to board, but Olivia was not among them.

He went to the counter, showed his badge and I.D., "I need to know if Olivia Benson has already boarded this flight, please."

The woman looked his badge over and then turned to the computer screen before her, "Yes, Captain, she has."

"I need to get her off the plane," he told her.

"Oh…I don't think…"

"Look, please, this is very important…" he pulled her aside and explained.

**Delta Flight 1727 – JFK - Queens – March 15 – 9:21 p.m.**

Olivia was more depressed than she had ever been in her life. She had taken a chance on coming to see Elliot and she lost. This time she knew it was over and there would be no second chance. Grateful that she had a window seat she leaned her head against it as the tears came to her eyes. She had cried herself to sleep the last three nights and was sure there could be no tears left.

The first two nights she had entertained the idea that somehow Elliot would find out where she was staying, come to her hotel and tell her he was wrong, he couldn't live without her and to please forgive him. Despite her emotional turmoil, she didn't sulk the whole time. She had gone out with Fin, Munch and Cragen. Alex was back in town and they spent a whole day shopping. She got in touch with Dean Porter and they went to dinner last night. Running into Dickie…Rick, she reminded herself… only added to her pain because she missed the kids almost as much as she did Elliot. But it was Elliot that consumed her thoughts and dreams.

The whine of the engines cranking up provided a lulling sound that had her dozing seconds after leaning her head against the window. Minutes later she was startled by a loud, voice calling out. Her eyes popped open and it took a few seconds to get her bearings. At first, she thought she was dreaming, but then she sat up and noticed others near her looking around, bemused at whatever was going on.

"Liv? The voice called her name. _Her_ name. "Liv?" It was louder this time. Then she recognized it. Elliot! No. No way. She sat up straight and saw his head as he made his way down the aisle.

"Olivia Benson?" he very nearly shouted it.

She could not believe this. She could not believe he was doing this. What did he want? Her heart was pumping like mad and the thin air was quickly being depleted by her rapid breathing.

Then he saw her and his face broke into that disarming grin of his, "Liv, don't leave me. Please. I love you. I've been in love with for years. I can't live without you, baby."

He was at her row now and held his hand out for her to take. She simply stared at him in wide-eyed amazement, speechless, unable to move. "Please, Olivia, give me a second chance. I promise I won't screw it up."

"Elliot…I…I…" she stuttered and could not think of what to say.

All of a sudden people started calling out, 'Give the guy a second chance', 'He loves you. You gotta stay,' ' He's hot, honey! Go for it!' 'Come on, Liv.'

She looked around, shaking her head in wonder. She only had one seatmate and he had gotten out of the way when he realized Elliot was looking for her. She took Elliot's hand and he helped her off of the row. Her eyes found his and she nearly drowned in the depths of the blue and the love that shone in them.

"You're crazy, Stabler," she told him with a small smile.

"Crazy about you, Benson. Crazy to not have told you I was in love with you that night, crazy to have let you leave me three years ago, and crazy to let you go the other day. But I've come to my senses, Liv. I've loved you for longer than I can remember and I'm not about to let you go ever again. That is, if you'll give me that second chance," he pulled her closer, putting his arms around her waist.

Her eyes twinkled and she broke into that magnificent smile she had and took his face in her hands, "I love you more than life, Elliot Stabler. And I thank _you_ for giving _me _that second chance I was looking for when I came to New York."

He brought her closer to him and kissed her amid the cheers and whoops and hollers of Delta Flight 1727. The well wishes continued as he pulled her carry-on from the overhead compartment and held her hand as he led her down the aisle and off of the plane.

She didn't know what she was going to do about her job and apartment and right now she didn't care. Right now she was going to enjoy being with the love of her life.

Elliot stopped right in the middle of the terminal and kissed her again. She wasn't used to all this public display of affection.

"Elliot…" she laughed. "I guess it's a fair assumption that you didn't get over me either, huh?"

"Over you? If I was over you, I wouldn't have dragged you off a departing flight in front of a packed airplane; I wouldn't be standing in the middle of JFK kissing you. Baby, you're in my heart, under my skin, flowing through my blood, you are the air I breathe. You're inextricably entwined with me. I can't live without you," he pulled her close and kissed her again, this time a long, lingering kiss.

When we make unwise choices and mess up, we can't always count on getting a second chance to go back and do it right. But it seemed that this time, God _had_ shown favor on her and granted her request for this second chance. She had heard someone say He was a God of second, third, fourth and so on, chances. She smiled and made a mental note to give Him a second chance, too.

~~~ eoeoeoeoe ~~~

The End


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